In the 3rd blog, The Importance of Assessing the Bully, we will be exploring the 3 different types and the best approaches to successfully stop the bullying.
Most articles for addressing bullying are from the outside~in focused on communication tips. My experience has shown me that strategies from the inside~out are more effective and holistic. These practices can be significantly more effective in achieving results and in preserving your mental health.
The inside~out approach can be compared with physically strengthening your “physical core muscles”, how often do we hear the fitness trainer tell us we need a stronger “inner core” to be physically healthy.
I want us to exercise our “psychological inner core muscles” before addressing the bullying behaviour whenever we can. This will increase our strength and resilience in working through these situations.
Inside-Out Approach Step 3: The Importance of Assessing the Buly
In my previous article, I mentioned in my experience there are 3 types of bullies or harassers. Why is this important? It gets us out of the cognitive dissonance of the “All or Nothing” thinking of victim and victimizer which will trap us into a bullying cycle. We can also start waking up the “good” in people that may be stifled out of fear or negative past experiences.
As a reminder, the types of bullies are:
Type 1 – Totally unconscious – Innocence
Type 2- Semi- Conscious – Kind of know but doesn’t understand the psychological damage being caused or policies are being broken
Type 3- Fully- Conscious – the Predator-Intentional
In my experience, there 80-90 % that fall into type 1 or 2. These types if approached in the right way often wake up and willstop the behaviour. In another of my articles, I talked about current brain research informing us we are unconscious about 95 % of our day. (Bruce Lipton, neuroscientist) People are not as conscious as they think.
The type 3, the most dangerous are usually more difficult to stop unless they are forced or they realize there is going to be unmanageable serious consequences from the organization and/or the community such as co-workers and healthy bystanders.
In my experience if you treat a type 1 or 2 like a type 3 they will spend their time defending themselves versus waking up, taking responsibility and changing. Think about the possibilities for positive change if type 1 and 2s are about 80-90 % of the population.
Congratulations, you have been introduced to Step 3 of the Inside-Out, The Importance of Assessing the Bully, you are ready to voice your concerns and to take effective action!
In the 4th Step of the four-part blog post, we will be discussing about the Smart Next Steps to achieve a successful result.
Stay tuned for future blogs for the Inside-Out approach to stopping bullying and creating healthier communities.
- Smart Next Steps
If you need more coaching assistance to increase your “psychological inner core muscles” contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org. Sometimes we need additional coaching to kick start an effective inner practice.
More information on my coaching programs is available on www.suevandittelli.com.
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About the Author – Sue Vandittelli
Sue Vandittelli, President of AWR Inc.(Alternative Workplace Resolutions), Professional Coach, Chartered Mediator, Certified Ombudsman, Senior Consultant with Morneau Shepell, Mediation Coach for ADR Chambers, Stitt Feld Handy and Former Bell Canada Ombudsperson and Human Rights Consultant. She has over 30 years’ expertise working with organizations, communities and individuals to develop transformative and sustainable solutions to professional relationships, challenges, conflicts, specializing in the area of discrimination and harassment; disability management; psychological & mental health; rebuilding & transforming professional relationships; OHSA Act Bills 168 & 132 and; business to business disputes in the franchise community. Sue is the Franchise Ombudsman for Canada and the United States working with franchisors and franchisees. Sue’s personal client group is committed to increasing their level on consciousness and successfully integrating their business and life.
Sue has successfully worked with over 600 clients and is recognized as the go-to-person for diffusing volatile and seemingly impossible workplace and business conflicts. She is a leader in developing and sustaining more conscious professional relationships and communities.
Sue is an active member of the: The International Ombudsman Association (IOA); ADR Institute of Canada (ADRIC), ADR Institute of Ontario (ADRIO) and is on the Leadership Circle of the Centre for Spirituality to guide the evolution of the new Centre; Board Member for Toronto Catholic Family Services Association and a former Volunteer for Women Helping Women with the Toronto Catholic Family Services mentoring women recovering from domestic abuse.
Sue has a degree from York University, a diploma in Business Administration from Ryerson Polytechnical Institute. She has a Certificate for Mediating in a Workplace when a Party has a Psychiatric Disability from the City University of New York and Certificates of Mediation (3 levels) from University Of Windsor’s Law Program. Sue is known for her unique and successful way of bridging the needs of the organization, employees, business, community, life and spirit.